Sharing parenting time when one of you wears a uniform can feel impossible, especially when orders change faster than your custody schedule. You might finally settle into a routine in Springfield, only to get word of a deployment, extended training, or a drill weekend that lands right on your parenting time with your child. The stress is real, and it often spills over into arguments that neither of you wanted in the first place.
Military families in and around Springfield deal with pressures that civilian parents simply do not face. A commander’s call can undo months of careful planning. Guard and Reserve schedules can shift right when school events, holidays, or family commitments are coming up. At the same time, your child needs stability, and both parents want to stay closely involved in everyday life, not just when the schedule happens to allow it.
At Shuler Law Firm, LLC in Springfield, Missouri, we work with many military families on divorce, child custody, and parenting plans, including cases that involve deployments, drill weekends, and permanent change of station (PCS) orders. We see how often standard, civilian-style parenting plans break down under military demands. In this guide, we share practical ways to structure co-parenting around military life so your custody order supports your service, your co-parent, and most of all, your child.
How Military Life in Springfield Collides With Civilian Parenting Plans
Most Missouri parenting plans are built around relatively predictable civilian schedules. They divide school nights, weekends, holidays, and summer breaks based on work hours that change slowly, if at all. That kind of plan can work well for families whose jobs stay within a normal weekday routine. It often fails when a parent’s calendar is set by the military, not by a supervisor down the street.
Military parents in the Springfield area may be active duty stationed nearby, serving in the Missouri National Guard, or in a Reserve unit that drills from here. Their obligations can include monthly drill weekends, annual training, temporary duty assignments (TDY), or full deployments. These events rarely line up neatly with a simple “first and third weekend” schedule. Orders can arrive with short notice, and sometimes dates change after everyone has already made plans with the children.
A typical Missouri parenting plan might say the non-residential parent has the child every other weekend, plus one evening a week for dinner, with holidays and school breaks split evenly. If that parent is a Guard member who drills one weekend a month, there is a good chance that drill will land on a scheduled weekend at some point. Without built-in flexibility, each conflict becomes a fresh argument and a new source of tension. We regularly see Springfield parents in this situation, frustrated not because they do not care, but because their parenting plan does not match the reality of military life.
When we draft or review parenting plans for military families, we look specifically for these pressure points. Based on our work in Springfield courts, we know that a parenting schedule can be written to account for drills, TDY, and deployments, while still centering the child’s best interests. The problems are rarely about “bad parents.” They usually come from trying to squeeze a military schedule into a rigid civilian template.
Unique Co-Parenting Challenges Military Families Face During Deployments
Deployment is one of the biggest worries for military parents who share custody. Many assume, or are told, that deployment means they will lose their rights or that the other parent will automatically gain full control. In practice, deployment changes how parenting time looks for a while, but it does not erase the deploying parent’s legal relationship with the child.
During a deployment, the child usually lives full-time with the non-deploying parent or another designated caregiver, depending on what the court has approved. That parent carries the day-to-day work, from school transport in Springfield to medical appointments and activities. The military parent may miss birthdays, holidays, and small moments that matter, which is hard on everyone. Without a good plan, the civilian parent can feel overwhelmed while the military parent feels shut out and powerless.
A parenting plan that anticipates deployment can reduce a lot of this strain. For example, it can explain where the child will live during deployment, how parenting decisions will be made, and what kind of make-up time the deploying parent may have when they return, if that is appropriate for the child. It can address how far in advance the deploying parent will share orders when possible, and how both parents will handle last-minute changes the military sometimes imposes. It can also set expectations about sharing information, such as school updates and medical issues, while the military parent is away.
Missouri courts focus on what serves the child’s best interests, and deployment is viewed through that lens, not as a punishment for serving. When we help Springfield families prepare for an expected deployment, we look at the child’s age, school situation, and existing routines. Then we work on language for a parenting plan or modification that explains how the child’s stability will be protected during the deployment and how the returning parent’s role will be preserved once they are home. Having this written down before the deployment begins can keep both parents from constantly renegotiating under stress.
Scheduling Around Drill Weekends, Training, and Unpredictable Orders
For Guard and Reserve families, the biggest battles are often not deployments, but recurring drill weekends and short-term trainings. These obligations might not last long, but they can interrupt a carefully built parenting schedule again and again. If your plan says you have your child the second and fourth weekend of every month, and your unit drills the second weekend, something has to give.
There are concrete ways to write around this. Some Springfield-area parenting plans for military families define weekends in relation to drill, rather than the calendar. For example, the plan might say that if drill falls on the military parent’s scheduled weekend, that parent’s time automatically moves to the next available weekend. Other families agree that the parent who drills will usually have the child on non-drill weekends, and the plan is written around that principle instead of a strict alternating pattern.
Training schools and short TDY assignments can be more sporadic. A plan can require the military parent to share training dates as soon as they receive them and to propose make-up days within a set period, such as the following month. It can also describe what happens if orders change at the last minute, for example, that both parents will use a shared calendar and document any agreed swaps in writing so there is a clear record instead of “he said, she said.” That framework can make it easier for both parents to react quickly without feeling blindsided.
We frequently see Springfield judges respond better to detailed, workable scheduling provisions than to vague language such as “the parents will work it out.” When we help military families with custody, we bring our knowledge of local practice to bear and ask specific questions about drill patterns, training cycles, and the level of notice usually available. The more accurately those realities are reflected in the parenting plan, the fewer crises the family is likely to face later.
Keeping Children Connected When a Parent Is Away on Service
Even when a military parent cannot be physically present, the relationship with the child does not have to go on hold. Regular, predictable communication during deployments, TDY, or long trainings can make a big difference in how secure a child feels. It can also ease the transition when that parent comes home and steps back into daily life.
A strong parenting plan for a military family often includes specific communication expectations. For example, it might say that the deploying parent can have scheduled video calls twice a week when the mission and internet access allow, or regular phone calls at agreed times. For younger children, that could mean shorter, more frequent calls. For older children, it might include permission to text or email directly, with both parents agreeing on reasonable boundaries so contact supports school and routines instead of disrupting them.
Military service adds complications that need to be acknowledged in the plan. Time zones can make bedtime calls more difficult, and some missions limit or delay communication altogether. A good plan recognizes that the service member’s ability to contact the child is subject to military rules and safety, and it encourages both parents to be flexible without turning communication into a bargaining chip. It can also set out how the at-home parent will help the child be available for reasonable calls without rearranging their entire life for each request.
In our work with Springfield military families, we often help parents think through these details and translate them into terms a court can approve. Clear communication provisions can show the judge that both parents are committed to maintaining the child’s bond with the military parent, even when that parent is far from Springfield. That clarity also gives the civilian parent structure, so they are not fielding constant last-minute call requests that disrupt the child’s routine.
Planning for PCS Moves and Long-Distance Co-Parenting From Springfield
Permanent change of station (PCS) orders can turn a local co-parenting plan into a long-distance relationship overnight. One day, both parents may live in or near Springfield. The next, one parent is ordered to another state or overseas, and the existing schedule of weeknights and alternating weekends is no longer possible.
Relocation in a custody context is complex and fact-specific. A move across town in Missouri is different from a move across the country. For military families, a PCS may require quick decisions about where the child will live, which school they will attend, and how often they can travel back to Springfield or to the military parent’s new location. Courts generally look at whether the move supports the child’s best interests, including stability and continued meaningful contact with both parents, but how that plays out depends heavily on the details of each family.
Parenting plans for military families can, and often should, anticipate that a PCS might happen during the child’s minority. That does not mean deciding every detail years in advance. It does mean thinking through how long-distance parenting might work if the child lives primarily with one parent. Common solutions include giving the distant parent extended time during school breaks, alternating major holidays, and clarifying who pays for travel and how it is arranged so no one is arguing about tickets at the last minute.
When PCS orders arise, Springfield parents who already have this framework in their plan are usually in a better position. They have a roadmap for discussing changes, even if they still need to seek a modification through the court. At Shuler Law Firm, LLC, we help military parents who receive PCS orders review their existing parenting plans, identify gaps, and consider whether a formal modification is necessary to protect their child’s routines and their own ongoing involvement.
Communication Strategies That Reduce Conflict Between Military Co-Parents
Even the best parenting plan can fail if the parents cannot communicate effectively. Military families face extra layers of stress, from unpredictable schedules to limited connectivity, so communication needs to be especially clear and documented. Poor communication is one of the most common reasons co-parenting arrangements feel unworkable and end up back in front of a judge.
We often recommend that Springfield military co-parents use tools that create a shared picture of the schedule. A co-parenting app or shared online calendar can hold drill dates, TDY windows, exchange times, and school events in one place. When a new order comes in, the military parent can add it to the calendar and send a short written note proposing any needed swaps, rather than relying on hurried phone calls that may be forgotten or misunderstood.
Written communication, such as email or secure messaging in a co-parenting app, also creates a record of what was requested and agreed. This is not about building a case every time, it is about preventing misunderstandings. If the same problems keep coming up, that record can help an attorney or the court see patterns more clearly and decide whether the underlying plan needs to change. It can also protect both parents from accusations that they failed to give notice or refused to be flexible when flexibility was reasonable.
At our firm, we see fewer contested hearings when parents adopt simple, consistent communication habits and stick to the structure laid out in their parenting plan. Our client-focused approach means we talk through what has and has not worked for a particular family, then help build communication expectations into the plan in a way that fits their dynamic. Clear systems can lower the emotional temperature for everyone, including the child.
When to Revisit Your Parenting Plan With a Springfield Military Family Lawyer
Many families try to tough it out with a parenting plan that no longer fits their reality. They make informal adjustments for each new deployment, drill, or PCS, hoping to avoid court. Over time, those adjustments can drift far from what the original order said, and conflicts may grow more frequent and more intense.
Certain events are strong signals that it may be time to sit down with a Springfield family law attorney who understands military life. These can include receiving deployment orders that will last more than a short period, PCS orders that will move one parent out of the area, a new job assignment that permanently changes a parent’s work hours, or a consistent pattern of last-minute schedule clashes. If one parent simply stops following the existing plan, or if the child is regularly caught in the middle of disputes about exchanges, that is a key moment to seek advice as well.
Waiting too long can have consequences. Informal side agreements are harder to enforce, and they may be forgotten when memories differ. A plan that no longer reflects the child’s real living situation can also cause confusion if a dispute does reach court. Talking with a lawyer about whether a formal modification or clarifying language makes sense does not commit you to litigation. It helps you understand your options and decide what steps, if any, are appropriate for your family.
Attorney David Shuler brings decades of family law experience to these conversations, including work on military divorces, custody, and support for Springfield families. In a consultation, we typically review your current order, look at how your military obligations or your co-parent’s circumstances have changed, and discuss practical paths forward that keep the focus on your child’s stability and relationships. Our goal is to craft or adjust a parenting plan that can realistically flex with your service while remaining clear and enforceable.
Talk With a Springfield Lawyer Who Understands Military Co-Parenting
Co-parenting in a military family is demanding, but it does not have to be constant crisis management. With a parenting plan that reflects drill schedules, deployments, PCS moves, and real-world communication limits, many Springfield military families find they can give their children both stability and strong relationships with both parents. Legal planning cannot control military orders, but it can control how your family responds to them.
If your current custody arrangement is straining under the weight of service obligations, or if you are starting a divorce and want to build a workable plan from the ground up, Shuler Law Firm, LLC can review your situation and help you understand your options. We provide one-on-one guidance for military parents and co-parents in Springfield, focused on practical solutions that fit your child’s needs and your duty to serve.